Bits

On my drive home from Wichita today, I had at least fourteen different entries started in my head. I think I need a person to follow me around with a notebook, jotting down ideas, categorizing, and regurgitating all of it on a moment’s notice. Self-indulgent? Absolutely. But then again, it is ME we are talking about.

I have spent the last several days in a state of hyperawareness, mostly regarding my reactions. I’m learning how I separate and compartmentalize responses to things based on situations. I want to become the most authentic version of myself, but it seems to be buried under many layers of protective swaddling.

At 42, I’m becoming comfortable with the fact that I’m broken, in my own way. But that it is okay, because everyone else is a little broken, too. Some people are chipped, some cracked, and others like me are just missing whole chunks. The point is, that we all manage, in some way or another, to cover it and survive.

I have spent these last few days deep in my head. Lots of cobwebs, people. It’s a tricky space, but it is mine. I have also enjoyed dear and wonderful friends, eaten fantastic food, picked out a carful of plants at 70% off, pounded metal until it bent to my will, and exposed a carefully hidden piece of my tender insides to an almost complete stranger. I tried to explain that once you open the box, you become stuck with me – all of me, even the part I hide. This once stranger is now, of course, bound to me for all eternity. BAHH HAA HAAA!!!

I apologize for the randomess (I think I just created a new word – randomness + mess = me!) of this early entry. Not exactly Pulitzer material, but I must get used to harnessing the words and forming them into cohesive bits. I suppose practice will make it better. I just hate learning in front of people!

So stay tuned – I’ll improve. (But first, you must promise to be tolerant of, or at least overlook my love of parentheses and ellipses.)


CRAP! My car tags expired today…